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  • Body
    • 7 Healthy & Clean DIY Substitutes I Use
    • Healthy Summer Desserts
    • Favorite Summer Salads
    • Gardening for Dummies: Tower Garden is the Answer
    • One Dish Stove-Top Recipes
    • Organizing My Pinterest Recipes
    • Keeping the Bugs Away!
    • Essential Oil Recipe for Migraine Sufferers
    • My Weight Loss Trials
  • Mind
    • America … Land of the Free, Home of the Brave
    • Unexpected Changes ~ Making Something Other than Lemonade
    • Heart Communication with My Adult Children
    • Writing Your Story in 10 Words
    • How I’m Refuting Election Fears
    • A Time to Laugh
    • 10 Steps for Healthy Conflict Resolution
    • Be Present ~ What Does That Really Mean?
    • What I’m Currently Reading — Summer, 2020
    • When People Just Need a Listening Ear
    • Quarantine Reflections – Positives We Can Take Into the Future
    • Strengthening Family Connections as Adults
    • Doing the Next Right Thing
    • What Does Marriage Commitment Look Like?
    • Fear … Living in an Uncertain World
    • Parenting Challenges ~ From Tigger to Pooh!
    • 7 Tips to Get Out of a Funk
    • A New Perspective on Parenting ~ Guilt vs. Grace
    • How I Remember the Good Stuff I Read
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    • A Christmas Letter Legacy
    • Beyond Your Borders
    • My Favorite Podcasts – Words That Fill My Soul
    • The Value of a One-Word Prayer
    • Living Above the Clouds
    • Timeless Truth–Poems to Encourage
    • Serenity Prayer: Lessons from the Last 8 Lines
    • Dream Big Dreams
    • Daily Time with Your Best Friend
    • And This Too Shall Pass … Surviving Today Because of Tomorrow
    • When You Get a Nudge
    • Dear Younger Me ~ Teen Years
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Heart Communication with My Adult Children

Last week I was listening to the “More Than Small Talk” podcast and one of the hosts, Suzy Eller, said something that I cannot get out of my head. Which is a really good thing. In fact, I had to stop drying my hair, rewind it, and go write it in my journal. She was sharing about how this past year she had made some blunders with decisions and the people around her. As she had been praying about it, she has started running her words through this filter:

“How would it make my heart feel if someone said to me what I’m about to say?”

 

I know! Convicting, right?? This thought stayed in my mind as I went throughout the weekend. I asked God to show me areas where I speak in a way that might make someone close down instead of building them up. And I was disappointed to discover that what He brought to my mind were my words with my immediate family – ugh!

Specifically the biggest struggle seems to be with my adult children. I regularly step into that “mom role” in my words that would be acceptable when they were much younger but is no longer my place.

Suggestions to get a haircut or about their personal hygiene; eating healthier and taking better care of their bodies; or the need for different friendships. Questions on how they are spending their time or if they are putting in the effort to chase their dreams. Giving unsolicited parenting advice or about life in general.

I wrote a quote from Tauren Wells in my Reading Journal from a devotional I read earlier this year. He said, “… an unguarded strength is a double weakness. Nothing can get you into more trouble than your strengths.” I mean … surely I'm just looking out for their best interests that I can see from my many years’ perspective? I’m sure I’m just being helpful and they want to hear what I have to say … after all, I have a lot of really good advice!

communication

Even when a little warning bell goes off in my head, I have continued to “make suggestions.” For the most part, my children have not pushed back … but I wonder about their hearts? Do they inwardly roll their eyes and think, “That’s just mom!” or “There she goes again!” Are my words causing them to inwardly cringe? Are my motherly suggestions (in my mind), words Jesus would speak to me? He communicates with us all the time but in a way our hearts can hear.

“Let everything you say be good and helpful,

so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

Ephesians 4:29

 

This verse has always resonated with me, and because my nature is more of a listener than a talker, my words have not caused me too much trouble over the years. But I believe all of us can struggle more with our words within our families – those that we love most and are most comfortable with. I love how Ann Voskamp put this, “When you let other people just be – and don’t try to change even one of their heartbeats – you become a safe place for your people.”

Having the filter of this question, “How would it make my heart feel if someone said to me what I’m about to say?” has the power to transform my relationships with those I love most. I want to be a safe place for my children and for all my relationships! I am hopeful that by writing about it, it will be deeply rooted in my mind so it will come to the forefront quickly before I speak. As I’m sure you do, I never intentionally want my words to tear down my children or anyone else, but only what will encourage them in this life where they are already being bombarded with negativity.

When I am talking with a close friend or am in a mentoring role with someone, I regularly ask for permission to share some thoughts or observations with them. If they agree, I have been invited to talk freely, yet respectfully. Why have I not implemented this with my children? Can’t really say … other than I haven’t thought of it. So that is my new aspiration. I will never quit being their mom, but I sure don't want to hurt their hearts with my words either. I am praying to find that balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Is it a struggle for you as well? How are you guarding your mouth, especially with those closest to you? I would love to continue to learn from you.

Compassion

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I'm Brenda

Thank you for visiting! God allows experiences in our lives not only for our own growth but to share them with others. My passion is to encourage you in all your relationships … your relationship with yourself, your body, your mind, and your soul. My home is the heart of my closest relationships, so I also love to share how you can create that cozy, comfortable home for yourself. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share where I’ve grown in each of these areas, and I pray they will be a blessing to you as well.

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