This week I had the joy of spending several hours with a small group of women over dinner and gelato. Our friendship with each other dates back to the early ‘80s. We all met at the same church during our college or young married years. As I went to bed that night, I reflected on the life-giving evening and thanked God for the gift of these long-term friendships.
Between the four of us, we represent almost 140 years of marriage, 11 children, and 12 grandchildren to date. We have lived a little bit of life. In our 20s we spent a lot of time together at church, activities, Bible studies, and small groups being a part of each other’s lives and making many memories. As the years progressed, we each went separate ways either physically or changes in our church home, but we kept in contact.
Then we entered our newest season – empty nest (almost!) One of us reached out to the others and we began spending time together every few months as couples, but we soon realized we needed our “girl time” to really have a chance to reconnect.
There is such value in making the time to reconnect. This is a group of women that know each other well—our pasts, our strengths, our faults, our families. We do not have to worry about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood. Even when it had been years and now months between connecting in person, there is a bond of unconditional love between us that allows us to be honest with each other. Believe me, there is plenty of laughter, but we are able to quickly move to that deeper level of sharing our gut-level concerns and know that each will hold our needs confidentially and will truly be praying for each other. What a gift!
It is a gift that I want every woman to have but I know it is just a wish for most. I want to encourage you to not give up on those friendships during the busiest years of your life. Make the effort to stay connected knowing this is a season. And in the next season, you may be able to rekindle those relationships in a new, fresh, and deeper way. I can promise you, 30 years goes way faster than you can ever imagine.
I believe at this stage of life, we may actually need these friendships even more. None of us have stayed married this many years without wading through a lot of rough waters. None of us have mothered this many children without a lot of pain and heartache. None of us have moved into this current stage with in-laws and grandkids without great joys and incredible uncertainty as more and more of these people we love grow into their own lives and out of ours. As the numbers in our families grow, so do the needs for partnership and prayer.
I also know it is quite possible you never had those friendships with people whose core values and beliefs matched up with yours. If so, look around now and begin to cultivate those relationships. Is it easy? No! Does it take intentionality and time? Yes! But is it worth it? Most definitely! It takes work and it takes courage, but there may be a time ahead in your life when these friendships anchor you in the storms ahead.
As Dallas Willard says in his book, "Life Without Lack" :
Love always involves the use of your own resources and abilities—the gifts God has given you—for the purpose of serving His kingdom by serving others.
Yes, we pursue friendships for our own needs, but because of God’s command to love others, friendship is a beautiful way to serve others as well.
So let me encourage you during whichever season you are in, keep reaching out and making the effort to stay connected. And if you’re already in our season, which friendships might you be able to go back and revive and breathe new life into? Let me know if this prompts you to be brave enough to make that call and enrich your life…and theirs. We all need friends who can speak into our life, and we into theirs.
It is never too late. I am so thankful for these ladies and am already looking forward to our next time together.
